Tag Archives: dreams

Showing up (final post in series- blog post 15)

Posted on by vgemmell

Back in January I decided to write a series of posts on here which focused on what my writing life has been like over the years. I wanted to share specific aspects that I thought might be helpful for writers just starting out, and also for seasoned writers who maybe just needed a reminder that we all experience very similar highs and lows, and to offer some encouragement to keep going during times you question your sanity, or ask yourself if it’s all worth it.

Over the past couple of months I’ve found it particularly difficult to focus on my writing. I’ve been struggling with tiredness and brain fog, a combination which isn’t great when you’re trying to plot and write a new book. But I’ve been determined to keep getting words down on paper/screen, and keep telling myself the first draft does not need to be perfect.

Embarking on a new book has reminded me of two important things:

It’s important to keep showing up

Each book takes shape in a different way

For my new project I’m trying to get words down not every day, but every week. That’s a win for me just now, and keeps the momentum going. Even although I was knackered yesterday I made myself sit down at my laptop and continue with my next chapter. I’m also doing my usual; scribbling notes in various notebooks and on the notes page on my phone. These pages are filled with plot ideas, characters and locations, that don’t yet have a place on the page, but I know they might eventually fit in somewhere, and it keeps the story ‘alive’ in my head. For me this is all part of the process.

I’d say so far my ‘work in progress’ is a bit messier than usual and as the book will require a lot of detailed description (to world build), I’m finding this is slowing down my natural writing style (which is usually a bit more dialogue heavy). I’m allowing myself to skirt over parts of the descriptions and will go back to fill it in later on. I know I’ll then enjoy it more because by then I’ll be able to see the whole plot laid out in front of me, and see what I need to do to enrich the world and bring it alive (hopefully) for the reader.

I usually like to edit and perfect my story as I go along, so I’m finding it challenging to allow myself to leave messy pages sitting in amongst the more polished ones. I’m used to writing contemporary stories, and this one has a magical element sitting alongside the everyday, so it’s teaching me that it’s okay to deviate from my usual way of working, as its a completely different style of story I am writing.

So as I draw this particular series to an end, if you have been embarking on a new creative project this year, or find yourself at the start of a new writing journey, my parting advice to you is simple:

Keep showing up.

No matter how messy your project might be looking right now, write through it, and come back and tidy up later on.

Watch this space for some insights into other writers’ journeys. I’ve not quite decided what this might look like, but after capturing some of my own experiences over the years, it’s made me curious to hear from other writers, and see what words of wisdom they might have to offer too.

Happy writing!

Here are links to all of the previous posts of the series for easy access:

Starting Out

Learn Your Craft

Learn Your Craft 2

Inspiration is Everywhere Part 1

Inspiration is Everywhere Part 2

Inspiration is Everywhere Part 3

Make Every Word Count

Competitions and Connections

Submission Stories Part 1

Submission Stories Part 2

Don’t wait for the phone to ring

Creative Space

Riding the Rollercoaster

What sells books?

Riding the rollercoaster (blog post 13 of series)

Posted on by vgemmell

Photo by Itai Aarons on Unsplash

So far in this blog series I’ve talked about; perfecting your craft, where to find inspiration and tasks to help unleash your creative magic, the submission process, the importance of connecting with other creatives, and giving yourself space in order to actually create. One question I sometimes ask during creative workshops is What skills do you think a writer should have? And the reason I ask this, is to talk about the less obvious ones that I use all the time (such as communication skills that have nothing to do with the actual writing), but also the ‘softer’ skills that aren’t so obvious, that can help you navigate the highs and lows.

In my day job I talk about skills and strengths all the time when supporting clients to understand how to make good career decisions and set actions to move forward. Recently whilst speaking to a very intelligent client, (this is not breaching any confidentiality as there will no other identifying features other than saying they were very wise!), they said when reflecting on their own life and career paths they have realised what is the most important thing by far over anything (learning, setting goals, having ambition), is fostering resilience. He said you can set goals but inevitably life serves you a lot of curve balls, often forcing you to recalibrate your goals, or abandon them altogether. He said learning to adapt and understanding how to reframe helped him stay resilient and adapt throughout his career.

It was refreshing to hear him say this as it’s a massive part of what I try to help young people I work with in particular understand. I would add self-confidence (and belief), as another very important ingredient to allow you to have the energy to reframe.

If you want to be a writer in the sense of having ambition to be published, (by whatever means), and put your work out into the world to be consumed, two of the most important qualities to develop (alongside your craft!), is resilience and confidence.

In an online writing workshop I delivered back in 2020 (which I had to completely re-write due to the conference being transformed online during a certain pandemic!), I compared the writing journey to a rollercoaster. I am sure many writers have said the same. There are so many highs and lows, often on the same day hand in hand, that it takes a lot of resolve to keep focused on the most important thing:

Your words on the paper; not others

I just came up with that phrase today as a way of reframing my own focus. It seems obvious, when you are writing, to keep focus on your words, but it’s also easy to get pre-occupied by the words of others; reviews, or lack of reviews, rejections, sales reports mocking you with low numbers or zeros…

I’ve written in blog posts before about writers achieving goals, and then feeling they’re still not enough, because we’re always looking ahead to achieve the next one, or make a bigger success of the first one, and all the time dismissing the little wins that a year ago might have felt like a massive win. That can feel like a rollercoaster of reaching the top with one achievement and plummeting if we perceive things don’t go quite as well as planned.

In Aime McNee’s book We Need Your Art, (which I referenced a couple of months ago), in her chapter titled ‘On Failure’, she acknowledges what some of us might label disappointments, but she would rather label failures because she thinks we should embrace failure, as it can make us stronger artists, and encourage us to ‘get better’. I agree with a lot of what she says, as it ties in with one of my first posts on this series where I said I view my writing journey as an apprenticeship, where I am always learning, and as part of that I always want to improve.

She references Carol Dweck’s book Mindset. I’m familiar with Carol Dweck’s work as I attended a full day workshop years ago in my job which focused on her encouragement to foster a ‘Growth Mindset’ and how this should be applied to the school setting, in order to move more towards the attitude that it is okay to fail at things, and actually what is important is the effort you put into trying and learning.

On a recent break a couple of weeks ago I went to see the most spectacular stage show, Moulin Rouge, with my Mum, which was performed at the Edinburgh Playhouse. The whole production was electrifying; the set design, music, singing, dancing and acting. At one point I thought about the hours and sweat and pain that must have gone in to all aspects of the creation of the show, and how gratifying it must have felt for the cast (and hopefully everyone behind the scenes), to see the live reaction from the audience: the full house, the standing ovations, clapping and dancing and signing along at the end, the rapturous applause.

As a writer it is rare you get to have that kind of live reaction with your audience. Unless you do a lot of well-received readings (and I don’t think I’ve ever seen an author during a reading receiving a standing ovation lol). So we’re left to spend hours and hours labouring over our work, releasing it out into the world, and then we have no idea what impact (if any) our work has, unless someone happens to mention to us, or we read a public review. That’s hard! This is something Aimee again mentions in her On Failure chapter, saying ‘Silence is a very specific type of failure.’ (pg 205). When we put our ‘art’ out there and get zero recognition, or engagement.

I see creators on social media talking about this all the time; how they are struggling to get any audience engagement and want to just give up. Just last night I saw a comic strip post by a graphic novelist I follow on Instagram @christinmaricomics, who explores how demoralised she is feeling after the release of her graphic novel (Halfway There) feeling sales are slow, and not getting much recognition (that she perceives anyway) Part of the strip she posted said: ‘…While I don’t think most people make art for wealth or public recognition… those things help us keep making art because it gives our work credit.’ C. Mari I ordered her graphic novel after reading her post, and I’m looking forward to reading it!

When I was sitting in the audience at Moulin Rouge I thought imagine if no one had shown up to see this amazing production, how the creators would have felt, and how sad it would have been for such amazing work never to have reached a wide audience, or been appreciated.

How many creatives must feel this every day: back in the day before streaming the films which ‘released straight to DVD’ instead of the cinema, (but often became massive ‘sleeper hits’ many years later); the bookshop signings where no one shows, or the big retailers choosing to stock already established ‘celebrity’ authors, instead of stocking local authors who are the ones making real connections in local schools but will never reach bigger audiences without commercial outlets promoting them; the musicians who play to empty venues…When Snow Patrol first started to play gigs in Glasgow I was sometimes one of five in the audience at King Tuts and the lead singer Gary would often make a deflated joke about it, but still go on to pour a lot of heart and soul into his performance. Years later they now play to sell-out large stadium gigs so I’m sure he is glad he persisted, and didn’t give up.

According to multiple resources F. Scott Fizgerald’s The Great Gatsby didn’t sell well during his lifetime, and I’m sure we all know the tragic story of Vincent Van Gogh who only sold one painting during his lifetime (The Red Vineyard). How many talented artists never sell one piece of their work, or have it on display?

So many articles or posts about writing focus on surviving the submission process, and the multiple rejections, to get work out there. When I first put ‘my work out there’ I would have really appreciated a post like this, which acknowledges that feeling of rejection you will often experience when the work IS out there, which often hits a lot harder, and that is okay.

Often on social media we present all the highs of our experiences. There are many lows I never talked about when my debut came out: when my books didn’t show up at two big events I was part of (meaning I had no way of selling them to the attending audience); some of the first feedback I ever received was about the typo on the back cover (not my mistake which made it even more deflating!); or that my first ever public published review was quite a dismissive three star one (which wasn’t the issue, I tried to explain to a friend at the time. Three star reviews are part of the deal, and actually could be so much worse, but it was my FIRST one, and the only one showing against my book at the time). Even although I went on to receive many amazing reviews, I never forgot this was my first one, and that the person thought I could basically do a lot better. Agreed, but actually I am so proud of my debut, and there’s a rawness and sense of magic to my writing during that era that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to replicate.

Don’t try to be perfect or live up to others expectations. As a writer it’s your job to provoke many emotions, one of which will be disbelief from others that your work even made its way out into the world in the first place.

At least you tried. And created.

Here’s links to some work I have created

Submission Stories #Part 1 (blog post 9 of series)

Posted on by vgemmell

In these posts I’m moving more into a personal ‘behind the scenes look’ at my submission experiences for my three Young Adult books. I’ll do a post for each book. I’m doing these posts because I love to read about other author’s journeys. I find it motivates me and makes me feel less alone in what is quite a mad creative world. Also for all three books I’ve had very different experiences, which resulted in me taking more personal control.

Prior to ‘Book 1’ there were other books, but I refer to them as my practice novels. I completed my first typed ‘novel’ (as opposed to the many, let’s call them ‘novellas’, I had written in jotters) when I was about thirteen, and received my first rejection from a major publisher.  I wrote a magic realism contemporary novel in my early twenties and sent this out to a few publishers and one agent. I randomly met the agent’s assistant at an event and he said he pulled my book out of the slush pile and enjoyed it. (The agent making the decisions, didn’t). Years later I bumped into him at another event and he asked what happened to it. I am sure you are thinking I should have persisted with this one. But I felt I could write better, and by that point I had started to focus more on writing Young Adult, because most of the ideas that were forming in my head seemed to lend themselves better to having teen protagonists. So here’s some highlights of my submission journey with my debut Young Adult novel, which eventually did reach publication back in 2015.

Book 1 – Follow Me

When I first started writing Follow Me something took over. It was the first time a book seemed to take on a life of its own and perhaps because I was living alone at the time, once I had established a basic plot, characters, and written my prologue (which set the tone and gave my protagonist a ‘voice’), every time I sat down I was able to immerse myself fully in the world.

A couple of people who read Follow Me talked about the ‘hypnotic’ characters and feeling like the writing contained some kind of undefinable ‘magic’. I mention this, not to ‘big up’ my book (though I will always have a soft spot for this story), but because it aligns to how I felt early on when ideas and chapters unfolded. I could feel the magic driving this one, and I knew deep down this was going to be ‘the one’; the book I was going to get published, because it was the first time I properly felt like I knew what I was doing structurally, and was excited by the story and characters. Also, something in my mindset had changed. I had started to send out short stories, and was reaching publication, and being placed in competitions. I was starting to believe I could be a ‘serious writer’.

When I had nearly finished my first draft I submitted the book to the TC Farries competition at the Scottish Association of Writer’s conference and won first place.

A well-established children’s author was the adjudicator, and said it contained the ‘magic’ needed to captivate a YA audience. This gave me the confidence to finish it, fine tune my manuscript and start subbing to agents. Colleagues at the time discovered print-outs of my first few chapters and their excitement at reading, and wanting to continue reading (along with my Mum’s encouragement, and another writing friend) all kept me going…

And then when I started to sub to agents I got emails from about three asking very quickly to read the full manuscript. I was on tenterhooks waiting for replies as you can imagine.  But then the rejections started coming in.

Here’s a snapshot of some rejections.

Unfortunately, the premise involving twins is too similar to another title on our list. We wish you the best of luck with placing your work.

Many thanks for sending me your submission, which I read with interest. I’m afraid, however, that I didn’t feel passionately enough about it to offer you representation. You write well, but I’ve just taken on a book which deals with teen suicide so this feels too close to it for me. Our business is subjective by nature and another agent may well feel differently. I wish you the best of luck with that.

I realise now how lucky I was to get some personalised feedback. The landscape of publishing has changed a lot and it can be rare now to get any response.

The most disappointing knock-back was a rejection from an agent I met face to face at a York Writing Festival who was so excited when she read my first three chapters, and was so lovely in person. The type of agent I would have been happy to work with! Interestingly I really didn’t gel with a different agent at my other 1:1 and she suggested quite a graphic, dramatic change to part of my opening which made me feel uncomfortable. This experience showed me the importance of finding the right agent or publisher. Someone you connect with, and who understands your story.

This was the rejection email from the excited agent (I had to wait over 6 months for this, and it felt like a loooong wait):

As you know, I was really excited by your novel when we met in York, and I very much enjoyed reading the complete manuscript. It’s stayed with me and I’ve been ruminating on it since. The premise to the novel is really interesting and I think you write very well for this market. I love sister/twin stories too! I do think there is a lot of potential here, but I’m afraid I don’t think, at the moment, this stands out in what is a crowded market. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but do bear in mind that another agent may feel differently.

I was gutted to get such a positive rejection.

I kept going.

A BIG publisher were doing a call-out for a new teen digital-only imprint, and wanted the full manuscript emailed.

I received this exciting response from one of their editors: Thank you for sending Follow Me to xx for our consideration. I enjoyed reading it and think that your accessible voice matched with the dark and emotional subject matter makes it well suited to the list. …..  (The email then contained some editorial suggestions)…Of course we would discuss all of this later should we decide to acquire Follow Me but I just wanted to check with you before I share the script with the rest of the team whether Follow Me is still available for publication and if you would be open to editorial suggestions such as those I’ve mentioned.

I responded positively. A month later I got this response:

I just wanted to let you know that because it’s been so hectic here, I haven’t taken Follow Me to our acquisitions meeting yet, but I hope to do so next Wednesday and so I should have a decision for your shortly after that.

Then… SILENCE.  Six months later, still nothing.

Around this time I met a different publisher, who ended up taking Follow Me, at a networking event. I nearly didn’t speak to him, because I had already submitted Follow Me to them via their website submission process, but he said he didn’t remember reading it, they’d had server issues, so to email through the whole manuscript.

I emailed the big publishing house to let them know a Scottish publisher had shown interest, and another editor got back to me apologising saying the first editor had gone on maternity leave. She asked me to keep her posted on what happened, and she would read my submission again. Because I was offered print publication (and because the big house had just kept me hanging) I accepted the offer from the Scottish publisher. I had received an email from the Scottish publisher one night saying they had finished reading Follow Me and asked to meet me. Because of the ‘nearly there moments I’d had already’, I still wouldn’t let myself believe it was going to be positive news. But it  was at the face to face meeting I received an offer for publication.

It was fast-moving from there. The meeting took place at the start of April, with a publication date set for October the same year (this is very rare). It was a whirlwind which led to lots of doors opening for me in terms of opportunities to do talks and workshops in schools and in the community. I’ll talk more about those another time. The rollercoaster of ups AND downs continued, something I don’t think many people prepare you for, when you reach the goal of publication.

And sadly, with my second book I found myself back out on submission. I’ll focus on parts of that story in post 2.

I’ll leave you with some things I learned along the way from the first part of this journey:

My tips:

Spend time preparing your submission. Perfect your synopsis and intro email, along with the sample chapters. Follow the submission rules (you’re doing yourself and your book a disservice if you can’t take the time to read these properly and get them right).

If an agent, editor, or publisher takes the time to give you feedback, know that this means they really do see potential in your work and if the feedback contains constructive criticism, take time to reflect and take on board what they say

If you’re pitching to agents and you have the opportunity to pitch to them in person (to allow a face to face conversation) take it! A five minute conversation can tell you so much about the other person, and a two-way conversation allows you to see if they are on the same wavelength about your book

If you’ve spent time perfecting your craft, your book is well-written and enticing, your success now is going to rely a lot on being in the right place at the right time, connecting with the right agent/publisher, and persistence

Related to this: make the most of any writing related networking events you are invited to. Sometimes introductions to the right people means you are noticed and remembered when submitting/pitching

Don’t send your book out to one agent at a time. Any agent who says they want an exclusive read is worth avoiding (unless you’ve made some sort of personal connection with them, but even then I would say no- you’ll find out why in my next blog post). They can take six months, or more, to get back to you (IF AT ALL – the ghosting is real). A lot of very successful authors have had their manuscripts rejected 20 + times, so do your maths on that one. if they were sending them out one at a time, waiting months for responses

Forge friendships with creatives who understand the pain of the ups and downs of this journey. If you detect jealousy and negativity try to spend more time with people who lift you up. Trust me, at ALL times in this weird creative world, even when folk think you are doing well, you need to surround yourself with positive people

And to help us all keep the faith, some famous rejections:

Lisa Genova, Still Alice: about 100 rejections (or non-replies) from agents (info from Lithub.com)

After getting very little positive feedback, Genova opted to self-publish her book. Eventually, it was acquired and re-issued by Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, and proceeded to spend 40 weeks on the New York Times best seller list, and was made into a film.

Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler’s Wife: 25 rejections from agents.

After getting rejected by 25 agents, Niffenegger sent the book directly to a small San Francisco publisher, where an editor discovered and loved it. It became a best seller and was also made into a film.

One of my favourite books of recent years was Lessons in Chemistry. Here’s an interview with author Bonnie Garmus at Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper (you can read the full interview here https://www.mariashriversundaypaper.com/bonnie-garmus-lessons-in-chemistry/) – Did you indeed receive 98 rejections before Lessons in Chemistry?

“Yes! And they were all from agents. What happened was I had written a novel that was approximately 700 pages…Finally, agent number 98 said that she would read part of it…She wrote back the next day and said, ‘You write well, but you don’t understand this industry…’ The email was pretty nasty, but it was also a very big help. She said, ‘No one’s going to look at a debut author’s 700-page novel—ever. Do yourself a favor and write a novel of appropriate length, and you can send me that when you finish’—which I never did. But that all turned into Lessons in Chemistry. I started completely new. “

Reading these stats makes me realise I’ve never been this persistent. Talent, persistence and resilience. These are the magic ingredients.

I dwell in possibility

Posted on by vgemmell
Pixabay image by Syaibatulhamdi

It’s the last day in November and the last day of my writing challenge where I have used prompts every day (since the weekend I started) throughout the month to write a post on here.

Today’s prompt is to use the Emily Dickinson quote I dwell in possibility to write a poem, essay or story. I’m writing a straight forward post instead (though I guess it could be classed as an essay) as I feel this title is very apt to end on.

Successfully completing this challenge has reminded me it’s possible to make time, even if it’s just for an hour at the end of the day, to sit down and write, or focus on something creative. Waking up my imagination reminds me of the magic that exists in the everyday.

When I start a big project such as a novel, I love that feeling of anticipation, of not knowing exactly how a story is going to unfold or if I’m even going to be able to successfully transport what is in my head onto paper. Sadly it doesn’t always turn out the way I want it to – a bit like when you have a very vivid dream and it’s all so clear and you are sure you can relay it scene by scene, but something happens in those waking hours where you can’t quite capture the story in a cohesive way.

But then you tell yourself there are other dreams still to come, there are other stories that will be written. And it’s exciting thinking this could turn into something amazing, dazzling, which could be life-changing for you. Or at least sell and be read by a wider audience. Every time I hit send on a piece of work to a competition there is a sense of possibility – maybe, you never know…

My writing has enriched my life, not only be feeding my soul and giving me a feeling of purpose and drive, but by opening up a world where I’ve met so many interesting people – both other writers and readers, and creatives. It has taken me on adventures to schools, book shops, writing groups, conferences, community events, libraries, colleges and universities. It has kept me sane when the day job gets too intense, or real-life gets challenging. It has brought some of my best friends and best experiences into my life. It keeps me curious, and keeps me wanting to get better at my craft and try new things.

I saw a post on instagram earlier today with a quote from someone saying they were bored of reading the successful under 40 lists and they wanted to see stories of people later in life achieving their dreams, or striving for them. Someone in the comment section called @_d_u_n_e said in her tribe in Nigeria there is an adage which translates, ‘whenever a person wakes up, is their morning’

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow – each day I dwell in possibility.

There will be days

Posted on by vgemmell
Pixabay photo by TemperateSage (Harmony Lawrence)

Today’s prompt is a combination of two: Write a commencement address for girls graduating high school/college and write a letter to your younger self

There will be days when you fail but when you pick yourself back up you will feel even more determined

There will be days when you feel everyone is moving faster. Don’t worry about speeding up to follow them. Slow down and take a deep breath and figure out what you really want. Here’s a hint- usually it is not what everyone tells you you should want. You will get there in your own time.

There will be days someone tells you you’re not good enough. Smile, walk away and enjoy showing them you totally are

There will be days you won’t feel confident in yourself and it might feel like everyone around you has it together. They don’t. They’re probably thinking the same about you. So be kind to each other.

There will be days you feel lonely. Sometimes because you are alone, but often it will be at a crowded party, or with someone who is bringing you down. Some day soon you will realise you are often your best company and the best times can be had alone, when you most definitely are not lonely.

There will be days you wish for things that never come and you cannot understand why. You won’t realise why until much later when you look around you and realise much better things arrived.

There will be days you feel lost and have no idea what you want. Enjoy the unknown directions. Whichever turning point at the crossroads you choose you can always come back again, then walk a different way. Each time you will take away something good, because you’ve been brave enough to move forward.

There will be days you win and accomplish great things, like today. Make sure you take proper time to celebrate and stay in the moment. You’ve done amazing things and your best achievements are yet to come.

You’ve got this.

Recipe for life

Posted on by vgemmell

Stayed curious about life, loved greatly

A short post tonight, as the writing prompt for today is to write a 6 word memoir. My words above I think are the perfect recipe for life. Staying curious encourages me to seek out interesting things – interesting people, conversations, books, films, places, theories. Staying curious keeps ideas spinning in my head, and keeps me motivated to form them into stories in an attempt to make sense of them. And I don’t think I need to explain the importance of love (and I mean in the wider sense, not just romantic love). What would any experience be, without having people you love be part of them.

I’ve used the image of a pendant I was gifted as it fits into the short memoir theme, though of course is 7 words, not 6, but good words to also live life by: she believed she could, so she did

A big chunk of self belief can take you places…

Dear Paris

Posted on by vgemmell

Today’s prompt is to write about a city I love. So here’s my love letter to Paris.

Dear Paris, I found you at a time when I craved adventure and was feeling brave enough to hop on a plane alone to go and find you. Wandering your streets I fell in love with your beauty and you made me feel at home, like we were old friends and you were reminding me of the magic in the world, telling me to stop and look and enjoy being in the moment. The lights at night dazzled; stars exploding inside the Eiffel Tower, carousels spinning gold against a darkening sky. Shakespeare and Co. captured my heart, a treasure trove of words and wonder, notes from travellers pinned up on the wall of a typewriter nook, hellos and dreams from all corners of the world. A Parisian melody played imperfectly, but beautifully, upstairs in the attic room where the piano was always occupied by amateur musicians, their music a soundtrack to the shelves packed with stories waiting to be read.

Your metro signs are more beautiful than some of the art work hanging in your galleries. Your buildings are breath taking masterpieces. Jardin de Luxembourg is as grand as it sounds and the children racing boats in the pond and the old men playing chess under the trees were some of my favourite observations during the time I spent wandering and just sitting, watching.

Along the Seine you showed me artists who were attempting to capture a part of you…like me, with my camera taking hundreds of photos which will never do you justice, as my real memories are tied up in feelings and sounds and the tiniest of details that can never be put into words or printed onto paper.

What does writing success look like?

Posted on by vgemmell

Last year when I was trying to decide what direction to move in, (keep sending out Promise Me to agents, or try to independently publish), I reflected on the question: What does writing success look like to me?

I think this is an important question all writers should ask themselves every so often as I am sure the answers will probably change from year to year.

Years ago I would have given quite starry-eyed answers along the lines of: be published by one of the ‘Big Five’, have a best-selling book that’s on display in all major bookshops, be invited to speak at book festivals and big writing events, get mentioned in ‘important’ press coverage, have my book optioned for film (that one will never stop being a dream), be nominated for prestigious prizes…

Mostly now what is important to me is knowing that my work is being read, and connecting with an audience, whatever form that audience takes (i.e. I don’t really care about talking at big festivals anymore, though of course I’d never turn down an invite!).

Competitions have had a massive impact on my confidence as a writer, reassuring me at key points of my career that I should keep going, and giving me a much needed boost. Lately I have been lucky enough to have a couple of competition successes, winning first place in the Writing Magazine school-themed short story competition, which you can read here. I also just found out this week that Promise Me has made the Finalist round for the Book Award category of the Page Turner Awards. I think it’s important for writers to acknowledge and take stock of any successes and wins, as we get so many knock-backs along the way, and some of the lovely feedback I’ve had for my short story really has made my month!

But there are downfalls of course if you focus too much on the need for external approval, and in the latest chapters of The Artist’s Way, (yes, I am still working my way through this!), Julia Cameron talks about how if ‘creatives’ constantly chase ‘Fame’ and ‘success’, which is measured by others, it can be a massive block to our creativity and distracts from our enjoyment of the process.  On page 172  Cameron says, ‘…Fame..is addictive, and it always leaves us hungry. …The desire to attain it, to hold on to it, can produce the “How am I doing?” syndrome’, which she points out then makes us start to question our work in terms of, ‘not if it’s going well for us’ but ‘How does it look to them?’

Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic talks of something similar, when creatives let their Egos get in the way. ‘An unchecked ego is what the Buddhists call a “hungry ghost” – forever famished, eternally howling with need and greed’ (page 249) She also warns of viewing creativity on a ‘limited human scale of success and failures’ as it takes away from the ‘glory of merely making things, and then sharing those things with an open heart and no expectations.’ (page 70) In this section she quoted Harper Lee, (in response to questions around when her next novel would be released), “I’m scared…when you’re at the top, there’s only one way to go.”  (page 68).

Authors such as Harper Lee who had phenomenal success, in terms of sales and recognition, then ceased writing, fascinate me. Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird was published in 1960 and sold 2.5 million copies in its first year, and won the Pulitzer Prize. Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With the Wind was published in 1936 and sold 1 million copies in six months, and also won the Pulitzer Prize. Harper Lee of course did eventually publish another novel Go Set A Watchman in July 2015, one year before her death, but a lot of controversy surrounded the release, with the revelation that the book was in fact supposedly an original draft of To Kill a Mockingbird and many said if Harper Lee had been of sound mind, would not have agreed to the release.

Regardless of this, there is no denying that Lee obviously felt pressures after her debut success. Some articles I came across have quotes where she said, “Success was just as scary as failure.” “Public encouragement, I hoped for a little, but I got rather a lot, and in some ways this was just about as frightening.” (The Telegraph, Feb 2016 – read full article here)

In articles I found about Mitchell, it appeared that she had devoted so much time to writing and researching Gone with The Wind (eight years), that she had no desire to go down that road again, and was quoted as saying to a NY reviewer, ‘I wouldn’t go through this again for anything.’ (see Georgia Women article here) Mitchell was also thrust into the spotlight, accumulating thousands of fans, who would send her fan mail, with Mitchell attempting to respond to every letter. In one response she addresses a fan’s question about writing a sequel , ‘Even if I had the urge to write another book, I do not know where I would find the time, for my life, since the publication of my novel…has been lived in the middle of a tornado.’ The full letter can be viewed here Other articles cite that Mitchell was heavily involved in political positions and then World War II struck in 1939, which would have of course been a distraction. Mitchell also met an untimely death in her late forties when she was struck by a taxi, so who knows if she would ever have changed her mind about penning another book.

A writer I have much admiration for is Donna Tartt who has written three books in thirty years. You can see her being interviewed here When the interviewer asks her ‘If she could become prolific and get faster with effort’ I bet she felt like slapping him (like she isn’t already putting in a lot of effort?). Instead she smiles sweetly and says, “I’ve tried to write faster and I don’t really enjoy it.” Her debut novel The Secret History was a best-seller, and had an initial print run of 75,000 (as opposed to the publisher’s usual 10,000), so you could say Tartt has the luxury of a decent sales history (see what I did there), to allow her time to create, but I am sure she must have kicked back against immense pressure from the publishing industry to produce more; faster, after her initial success.

In a world which is obsessed with producing and consuming it’s kind of refreshing to see a writer who will say, I’m doing this my way, at my pace, and you can all just wait for my genius to unfold.